Whatever

Ever had one of those times when you knew exactly what you should do, what you want to do but can't decide if you should hit the Green button to Go? Plenty, I'm sure. I was stuck between a rock and a very hard place many hours ago. Not knowing how I should hit the button, I asked for advice. And knowing very well that the advice wouldn't be easy - which is why I asked for it in the first place - I didn't get very satisfactory answers, which was just as well. Fine. What I didn't expect was the sudden outburst of internal withdrawal from the advisor. From openly giving advise, to getting me slightly agitated, then asking if I would like to talk about it again, to ignoring me totally as if I didn't breathe in the same area of air. "This reveals a profoundly philosophical bent in these dogs that were not mine, because they had worked out that I had to be there in order for them to be able to ignore me properly. You can't ignore someone who isn't there, because that's not what 'ignore' means." - Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt. If there's anything I hate alot, that's ignore. People ignoring my presence to be precise. I do not understand where I've gone so wrong sometimes. And if I were to be correct in the understanding, the person in question later commented that he is somehow angry because he is unable to provide me with good advice? Given that, how was I to react? I seemed to be the instrument for the advisor's inner anger expulsion rather than object of comfort. I storm off. I later apologized for bad behaviour - though I still very much believe in my rights to anger - and was brush off by a "up to you", which roughly translates to whatever and in which I replied with a whatever too. So much for making up for bad behaviour. Seems like, I do not always have the right to anger. Perhaps it is even believed by some that I asked for it. I beg to differ. And while still begging to differ, I think I should just stop asking for advice, which translates to asking for it again. There really is no point, which again and perhaps translates to whatever.

Walking on Sunshine

Woke up this morning feeling the same way as I did yesterday, all *QWERTY and out of job. To remind those who has yet updated their internal memory and such, I was officially out of job on Thursday, yesterday. The only difference is that I'm harboring a slight hope in me. Waiting for a phonecall that I might or might not receive - I went for an interview yesterday and came out of it with some good vibes. By mid noon after watching Big Fish - and weeping along with the story line for the second time - I was already beginning to lose hope. Perhaps the vibes were all wrong. Gotta start sending resumes out now. Time to get used to joblessness again. *SIGHS* At about 4pm+, I heard this very familiar ringtone. It's THAT company. I was shocked, stoned, stunned, something like all of these words combined. I'm starting work on Monday, next Monday. How do I even contain my happiness? The M1 song kept sounding in my ears, I even walked with skips inserted in between. I'm really walking on sunshine and it certainly feels good. NOTE: Due to the previous post and some happenstance, I've decided to adopt QWERTY as my new found curse word. It shall be as vulgar as I like it to be, mild as you think it should be. Whatever it is, let the QWERT word begin.

Kill Yew, Cue You, Q, U

Play scrabble often enough and you'll start becoming like me. I watch out for subtitles on channel 8 programs and tries hard to remember words starting and ending with not so common letters then start dreaming about placing them correctly at night. Had a game with Mr Smurfie yesterday where I was stuck with a Q and only 1 U on the board for the entire game. I was cracking my head on where else I could place that 5 point letter Q on. Then it struck me. Where there's Q, there must be U. Think about it. QUiet, QUite, QUestion, QUeUe, eQUipment, enQuery, sQuid, sQUare, sQuard, QUarter, kUmQUat, seQUin, QUit. Is there even a Q without a U? Asked Mr Smurfie on the bus just now. He gave me this constipated look and decided that we should look it up in the dictionary later on - we were meeting Starusticity for dinner and job lost celebration. Asked Starusticity later on and the smart, smart gal came up with "QWERTY". Boys and girls, no matter what your IT vocab tells you, "QWERTY" is really not a word. Like "WYSIWYG", it's some strange short form not a word and it's something to do with computers. A decision was made at Cafe Cartel - where I lost airen's camera for a while and retrieved back again later - that we should head up to Times bookshop and check out the dictionaries. And so we did. In fact, Starusticity was so curious, she postphoned her loo trip all for it. Opened some dictionary, look up the letter Q, scanned the pages, all the OFFICIAL English words starting with the letter Q contains at least 1 U. Posted the same QUestion on my way back home to airen. Didn't get much answers either. Mr Smurfie on MSN just now "damn you" me for making him look for words for Q in them and finally says "you win" to me for posting the QUestion coz he suspects they all have Us. I'm still not convinced though "I won". Scrabble can't kil me off with a Q and only 1 U in the entire game. The search continues. Let me know if someone can think of something, just don't mention Q-Tip. I don't accept that as an OFFICIAL English word.

The Witch's Intelligence Auto Answering Machine

Tomorrow at this hour, I'll be at some place - don't know where yet - with Mr Smurfie and Starusticity celebrating the next step of our lives - or rather leaving the bridge once and for all. Tomorrow, I shall stand outside the JTC office building and yell "NO MORE MR PINK" in triumph while knowing that I'll likely get a phone call from him the very next day, and the next, and the next. To counter that - I discussed with Airen sometime last week - I've decided to "record" the following scripts if I ever receive any of his calls again. Below is an imagined scenario. Something I wish might come true somehow *hysterical laughter*

Mr Pink: Eh..HALLO? Pseudo Recording: Hello, this is the Witch's Intelligence Auto Answering Machine. If your name is Mr Pink, please press 1. If your name is Oman, please press 2. If your name is PZ, please press 3. If you are neither of the above, please record your message immediately after the "dooooo" sound. Mr Pink presses 1. Mr Pink: AH *burps* HALLO ah... Pseudo Recording: The identification procedure has not completed. Please do not speak or make any undesirable sounds till it is completed. Mr Pink: Aiyah...why this like that? *burps* My name is Mr Pink. Pseudo Recording: Yes, it is like that. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Your identity has been confirmed. Please record your message after hearing the words "F**K @FF". You have 5 seconds. "F**K @FF". Mr Pink: *burps* Eh...I'm Mr Pink ah... Pseudo Recording: F**K @FF!! Mr Pink: HAR? I... Pseudo Recording: F**K @FF!! Mr Pink: I...I...I... Pseudo Recording: F**K @FF!!! F**K @FF!! F**K @FF!!

Mr Pink: HALLO??

Pseudo Recording: Thank you for using the Witch's Intelligence Auto Answering Machine. Good Bye. *Click* dooooo............................ Mr Pink: HALLO? HALLO? *burps* aiyah cham...

Coming in Second Last

The clock is ticking...one more day, a few more hours. Just a few more hours and my sentence will be up.

To Hunt for a Rubber Rice Bowl

I'm scheduled for another interview today and I'm not even excited about it one bit. In fact after some thinking and a sleepless night - not exactly coz I did sleep, juz woke up slightly earlier today by myself - I've decided that it's not a job that I'm interested in. I read through the job scope about twice and it just kinda got stuck to my mind since then. Simple, simple, simple job that doesn't require much effort or brains. Mr Smurfie says I'm kinda crazy - he added in the words "no offence" - when I told him I'm looking for something that requires me to work hard and OT. Yes, I do admit that it sounds kinda nuts and I'm probably missing some bolts in my head but I think deep down inside, all I really wanna do is to work hard, a thinking job. I'm not looking for a mundane life. I'm seeking a career at age 26 and 3 months old and going home on time seemed a job more suitable for a woman tied down with kids. Gonna call the agent in about 10 minutes' time - I'm such a coward not calling him now. Even got airen to write me a script to reject the offer sincerely and ever so nicely. I feel really bad though coz I applied for the job in the first place and he really made effort to help me arrange for the interview. This part is written 10 mintues later after the phone call. I've called him up to reject the offer of interview. The agent was furious in his nice talking way - I wouldn't expect it any other way either - with more than a pinch of sacarism by his laughter. Ok, I mean I'm sorry I booboo your job but that's really not me and I had to stop myself from wasting more cab fare - borrowed money from mummy somemore. You blew a maybe only commission, I might have blown my own career away. I'm not taking chances anymore. Not gonna anyhow, anyhow hantam just to secure a ricebowl either. This time, I'll take long moments considerations before I send out my resumes. The quarter life crisis is not over yet. Not least till I find some super, steady rubber - can stretch type - rice bowl.

Much More Than Annoyance

In no time at all, I'll be flying out of this place where I spent the last 1 year and 3 months in - next Wednesday in actual fact. I should be happy I think. All my friends here have left, - or at least is leaving - my work is useless and then there's the insufferable idiocy every other day - make that many times a day. I should be happy.

blah blah blah blah....

I was gonna go on about the emptiness I'm feeling now etc, about how I might in the smallest possibility miss this place and work. That is until Mr Pink opened his mouth to ask some dumb question.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH...............SOMEBODY!! I need poke his eyes with something sharp and forget it if I ever mention missing this place or anything good about here. I'm leaving and good riddance to all of them.

Make that TWO questions. He just asked me another bloody stupid useless question and even had the chick cheek to come over to see the report from my screen. A few more days of him. Just a few more days of him. In the meantime, I do have a few small wishes. 1. I sincerely hope to never meet him again. Ever. Dua Bei Gong please bless me. 2. I hope I'll not bloody his nose or something - yes I know I can't reach it when he's standing up. whatever. 3. Let us just not communicate these last few days. Yes, that means NOT to speak to me again. No questions nothing. Use brain this time ok? Please? Ok, now let us revisit the original post. I should be happy leaving here? NO! I'm incredibly happy!! Bring in the booze on Wednesday and let us go celebrate many days without Mr Pink, the annoying pink mosquito. Good riddance to him.

Budding Musician

I kaypohly accompanied airen to my once upon a time neighborhood - Queenstown - last Friday to get his er hu for his lessons starting in 2 weeks' time. Learning the er hu has always been his wish and I'm sincerely happy that it's coming true for him. Though I do admit feeling jealous coz er hu is gonna take up a bit more time of his life now, which leaves him conveniently and always unavailable for me on Mondays. See him walking so briskly and happily into the shop? I haven't really been inside a music shop - or whatever you call it -before and seriously, the number of instruments big and small really do intimidate me to no end. I felt dumb all of a sudden as if I've entered a place I'm not supposed to be and they're telling me I do not belong there. Maybe I really do not. The only thing muscial I ever played often enough is my ipod. I can't tell the difference between one big instrument from another much less the sound difference, which the kindly sales assistant was trying to explain to us. I stared at the guitar lying against the wall near the entrance while airen was still talking to the gal about prices and such, thought about the times when I've wanted to learn it and felt a prick in my heart. Seeing airen take up the time and effort to learn makes the urge to learn the guitar build up once more. The tiny urge however, was put out minutes later by money concerns, a dying PC and a sensible mind telling myself to set my priorities right. If I had money to spare right now, it would have to be on a new Pee Cee... Airen was almost floating to the air after paying 200 hundred over dollars for the stick and strings combination. He is now on the first step to being a magician musician as he muses while I calculated the possible career path he could take - with the er hu - if he were to be jobless one day. Despite all the grumblings and so on, I do hope that he can keep the passion for this burning bright in him and play me the first song he learns - though one must understand that the beginner's lessons do not touch on any songs, they really only teach the students to produce bearable noises.

Being Patriotic

Took this picture at Queenstown just now, on the way to buy airen's er hu. It's been a long, long time since I've seen a block of flats with ALL the national flags hanging nicely out - not even a wrong sided one. This is block 162 at Stirling Road, directly opposite of where I used to stay. I've faced this block of flats a hundred thousand times in all my years living there - but never a scene like this. I've never believed it but an array of red and white lining up nicely against a colorful block of flats can really be a lovely sight. Makes me feel so patriotic all at once though I'm embarassed to admit that our family is one of those many thousands who has not hung a flag in the last few years. I'm not even sure if we still had one at home. The warm and fuzzy feeling didn't last long for a person like me though coz before long, I started to wonder the GRC has anything to do with it coz it all seemed too good to be true. Which also brings a question to mind. Do foreigners here need to hang them too?

Color Terms Commonly Used

On the bus home yesterday, I did this irritating peeking over my shoulder thing coz the gal sitting next to me was holding on to a piece of paper, who's information got me interested. The title says "Color Terms Commonly Used". First thought that came to my mind, she is supposed to use her color pencils or highlighters to shade off the commonly used terms. Erm...no... The answer was displayed in the rest of the paper, in the manner of 5 main words and corresponding paragraphs of explaination. It took me a while to finally get it. Hue, Intensity, Shade, Tint and Value. She must have been an Art student.

Being Hopeful

My PC is dying, everyone knows that now. The PC fund is growing very slowly, at about a few cents a day and that's really bad. Below is last night's MSN conversation with Mr Smurfie and us being hopeful about our equipments. The buck teeth person is me by the way and in case you get nightmares out of it, I'm sorry and am not liable for whatever health conditions that might result from it. Sorry if the picture is unclear and the words unreadable. Don't strain your eyes over them. My basic point is that I need a new PC soon, that is all. If you've strained them already, too bad lor.

Bad Interviews 101

Although I've mentioned about not wanting to talk about my job hunting stories here, I simply had to blog this down - my very first interview this time round. This morning - actually since yesterday - started with a major "aiyah not keen" feeling towards the job. In fact I spent the entire day in the office, struggling with a bad stomach ache - coz I was nervous for an interview I wasn't even keen on - over scrabble. My appointment with the guy was 6.40pm and I as there sharp as an arrow. He came out of his office with a sian look on his face, didn't even bother to introduce himself, as if I would know the short, thin guy in pink shirt is him.

Pink guy: Aiyah, there's another guy coming at the same time as you. Aiyah. I think he's coming up now. Me: ...

He was holding this 2 resumes, one of them mine with the words 14/7 and 6.40pm written clearly on it while the other was void of any scribbles. He stood there not moving for some long whiles then asked if I saw a guy at the lift lobby. NO! A guy suddenly popped out of nowhere. I thought he was the colleague, apparently not. The pink guy repeated about the "aiyah 2 person same time thing". I wanted to ask him "so how now? how now?" but I bit my tongue. This is afterall an interview. He thought for some moments bade us to follow him into his office where he stood for awhile, stared at us and said to me.

Idiotic MCP in pink: Miss Ang, can you sit here and wait while I finish up with him?

Wait a minute! I was here first. If he's supposed to be earlier but came later, he should sit and wait. If he's supposed to be later than me then all the more he should be the one waiting right? Already I'm disliking the place. I turned to the armchair and sat down fuming mad with 3/4 a mind wanting to simply storm off. Then I thought of the $12.20 cab fare, felt a pinch and decided to stay. The interview he had with the other guy didn't take too long, only about 15 minutes which I suspect - and was correct - mine would be around the same. I approached the interview with a certain enmity since I already wasn't too happy nor keen. I made disgusted faces etc and simply left out my normal "interview" face. At the end of it all, I found out that it was just another one of those fire fighting jobs and I made it confirmed in my mind that even if they were crazy enough to shortlist me, I'm not gonna accept the shortlisting. I supposed we were both releasing out bad vibes coz he didn't bother to shake my hand and I didn't bother to thank him either - no thanks for all that and wasting my money, Sir!

Annoying MCP in Pink: You know what, you're actually better than the other guy. I think it's coz you can speak better English. Me: Oh is it? I thought he was better. Annoying MCP in Pink: He said he knew things but he couldn't answer the questions. Me: Ok... so what? you're gonna shortlist me coz my English teachers were better?

This ranked the number one seat in the lousy interviews I've attended. The second lousiest was some 2 years ago in a shipping company at Tuas. I was caught in heavy rain, drenched to the skin then left alone shivering in a meeting room far from any living organisms AND they forgot all about me till almost 2 hours later - they said so themselves. During the interview, I got so pissed off by them, I almost told them off coz they said something like "from your experiences, you seemed more like a technical person, we're not looking for someone like you. blah blah blah" Hallo? Clearly some people did not read my resume properly before calling me up - bitches. The third lousiest one wasn't all that bad except for the memorable cab ride there.

Cab uncle: Where are you going, Miss? Me: Erm...Gelyang. ER....this address, this one. Cab uncle: What you doing there? Me: Oh, I'm going for an interview. Cab uncle: ......................................................

It was an IT trainer job.

Night of Silly Misadventures AKA The WAH WAH Night

The night of July 12th started out like this... (Read Starusticity's chronological account of the night's events) Mr Smurfie: How about we go for Mac? Me: Go ask her how lor. Today her last day. Starusticity: But I can't go yet!!! PZ is still inside!! blah blah blah...I needa be home by 8 (to watch TV lah) blah blah Me: Ok we go downstairs and wait for you. Minutes later... no sign of Starusticity. Minutes later... still no sign of her - wave bye bye to Mr P though. Minutes passed... after all the "wah lau! now then come down" crap, we made our ways to the bus stop supposedly to go Mac at Clementi for a chop chop meal then while Starusticity head home for TV, Mr Smurfie will needa be at Pasir Panjang to sign his employment letter - new job. this guy, so heng. At the bus stop... 3 people couldn't get on the bus not coz it was that crowded but the people in the bus wouldn't move inwards if their life depended on it - likely coz the fat, fat army guys on the bus stinks. Starusticity: What time do you need to be there? Mr Smurfie: Latest by 7.30. The time was 6.30pm, we're waiting for bus at Ulu Clementi and still going for a Mac meal. Starusticity: How are you gonna go? Mr Smurfie: Take bus lor. Take 200. It's behind the Pasir Panjang Food Centre. The other day kena from the cab driver coz I didn't know where it was. Take bus better. Starusticity: Aiyah! Tell the cab driver Pasir Panjang Food Centre lor!!! Why not we follow you there? We eat there also!!! The 3 now tries hard to flag for a cab and managed to get it after a short while, though the uncle was a bit strange. Starusticity and I were chatting happily on the cab taking pictures when someone in the front seat suddenly go "reach already, reach already". Huh? In the middle of nowhere that's full of cheese prata stores and lotsa uncle karmas. Mr Smurfie: Aiyah! Wrong lah. This is far away from where I was supposed to go. Me: Eh? Then why you ask the uncle to stop??? Mr Smurfie: I thought all shophouses look the same mah and that place also have that -> pointing to PSA containers. Then bobian lor, the 3 had to walk to the NUS bus interchange while Mr Smurfie calls the company people out to ask if bus number 10 goes to the correct place. Starusticity: YAY!! I've always wanted to take bus 10. Me: Har? Why? Starusticity: Coz it's one zero mah (her name in chinese) Sense her happiness on bus 10 Wah lau we take cab for the sake of taking bus one zero lor. The ultimate sotong king. Me: Wah! Can go Haw Par Villa from here leh. Can also go Sentosa. Starusticity: Wah!! I like this place got pubs! Wah! Like Ally McBeal leh! So cool! Wah! Starusticity: Eh? Your company no signboard one? Me: Hey! We're here and we're going up with you! Mr Smurfie: Erm...no. Please. Starusticity and Me: OK lor. Wah! See got Indian food leh! blah blah Wah! blah blah... No sign board but got mailbox. Mr Smurfie abandons his friends for upstairs while Starusticity and myself go survey the surroundings. "WAH! Got Cold Storage! Got Guardian!! WAH! Got Jap food but expensive ley...got desert shop!" "WAH! Got so many pubs!! Got 7-11. Aiyoh! Got church even!!" "Wah so many Ang mos!!" etc etc etc etc etc Time goes tick tick tick... Starusticity: Is he coming down? Where is he? Me: Sekali he go home liao!!! The bus stop is directly in front of his new company. Sekali he come down, see his bus and then just zoomed in, forgetting about us...maybe we should have followed him up. Ok, he wasn't so mean though he was rather late in coming down. We boarded the bus 51, deciding to go down to Queensway for our long deserved dinner, not before uploading Mr Smurfie with all sorts of information. "There got cold storage lor, then here hor, wah sia! Got foot relexology leh! Do work half way can come down. Got lotsa uncle karma food." "Got 7-11!! 7-11 leads to a back alley full of food also. There's seafood resturant on the left and, and a church!" Can get a shoulder massage halfway through programming. His ears wasn't spared even when we boarded the bus coz Starusticity and I were long time patrons of the Queenstown, Alexandra area. We lived, studied and I worked there. We were going on and on about "Hey! That's Alexandra Village good food!" "I worked here for 2 years!" "I studied opposite her workplace for 2 years too." "We were visiting the same doctor for years too!!!" "There's a T-Rex over there!" "I was born THERE!!!" Even after we alighted, we were still going on and on and on like "There's Ikea. I-KEA." "There's Queensway, where you buy cheap sports shoes." It was that hyper. The exclaimation marks were not excessive. Dinner was a fun filled event with details of weird school stories such as the flying roof, the haunted loo, the burnt down labs and of coz all sorts of unrelated crap. Lame joke of the day was the potato in the gunny sack. Be nice to me and I might just repeat it. Mr Smurfie: Earth! Me: Fire! Starusticity: Wind! Me: Water! All: HEART! All started singing the captain planet song. It's a wonder how one of the most disliked cartoons in the 90s - by me at least - has the most memorable song and phrases. Don't believe me, try the Visionaries and see how much of the phrases you can mumble out, much less the song. Mr Smurfie: The sissy guy with the HEART power should be a politician ley. Me: Why? Mr Smurfie: HEART! Ok now you all listen to me... Starusticity: I think HEART is to talk to animals only lah. Mr Smurfie: Er...is it? haha EEEK!!! The night has ended? Har? Yah I think so, kinda. End of the night, we each went off our separate ways, like it was in our still young careers. Our paths might cross again one more day, even if it did not, it is nice knowing these people at the bridge, however lousy a place it was and Starusticity managed to reached home before 11pm to catch the tv program she missed at 8.

Slightly More than a Quarter Century

Was writing this post, a rather happy one, some crazy adventure we had yesterday. Couldn't carry on till the end. Didn't know why but I just simply broke down. My exteriors cracked - like a century egg, I broke down and I cried. Perhaps it's the rush of emotions gusting out at full speed, all these feelings trapped inside for ages, at least since the last month. So much has happened. Had a job, was fedup but sailing along. Woke up one day and thought "no, this is not what I wanted". Quit my job, thinking "let's just go find what I truly desire". Serving notice and feeling so so. Got another wake up call this time, saying "hey! you're really in the pits you know? you can't go anywhere actually. you're simply in a nicer term, useless". Lost my confidence, pick up my butt again and started desperately looking for jobs. Job came in - interview tomorrow - but why am I feeling lost again? These few months also saw friends and airen breezing either through their careers - perhaps breeze is not the correct word but it is to me -, their social lives or their emotional well being. I felt so left behind somehow. I've never been so full of envy, envy even of the one closest to me. Been asking myself what do I exactly want? Been wanting to also duplicate the type of lives that people around me are leading. Somehow I'm always somewhere there, yet not quite so. In fact, it would be more convenient to say I was never there. Airen got rather offended - I think - when I told him I'm jealous of him. He said I should be happy for him. His life and the way it's going. Yes, I do admit I'm wrong but everywhere I turn, I see someone going somewhere. I'm neither here nor there, I'm simply nowhere. It hurts to feel that way. It hurts to see people who are inferior to me getting there - wherever there might be. It hurts even more to have people coming up to me, showering praises and such because I'm not worth it - yet. I refused to be a cookie cutter working personnel in this government protected island. Still, I seemed to be trying hard at living the high lives of a successful, executive ginger bread man to prove my worth. I'm a conflict unto myself. Airen, there's nothing to be sorry about regarding your success, it's me who's simply sorry. I probably would need to pick myself up once more. It's only my ego that's bruised, I wonder why I even bothered competing myself against you - it's been a long, long time since he frequent this lonely place when once he was my most loyal fan. perhaps that made me felt left out too coz this was the place that made me felt important even when I'm not for the very simple reason, "the audience are listening" or rather reading. I wonder if he'll ever get to read this. Quarter life crisis, if only it were that simple. Then again, is quarter life crisis even simple?

Think Before Giving

Give someone a piece of your mind, do that too often and you might just end up being a mindless idiot - give, give, give until bo liao. Give it sparingly at your own peril and don't say I didn't warn you. So lor, next time I tell you, just scold people, nag or etc, don't use chim chim words. You understand?

Fly Tampines Maybe?

Heard this on the train when I was on my way home from the wonderful Pasir Panjang Adventure with Starusticity and Mr Smurfie - will blog about this tomorrow with some lame pictures. In the meantime read here.

Guy talking on his handphone: There's no domestic flights in Singapore you idiot!!!"

Live My Precious, Live!

My PC finally gave in to old age last night. It simply keeps rebooting and rebooting itself till I almost give it a boot in the CPU casing. Tried to do a rollback to the last known good configuration state but guess what? Doesn't work. Tried installing Windows over etc etc, nay doesn't. Format the damn thing again, nope! Not working either. The good news is, it's up and running again - I decided to try pulling out my memory card reader's USB cable and Windows just brought it upon itself to continue installing from the failure spot late last night. Anyway, the point is - well, strictly speaking, there is no point - I need a new PC coz it died on me again just now. Handphones and all that stuff can wait. A new PC is a definite. I need a new PC!!! In the meantime before I saved that minimum amount for one, sayang sayang, my precious, please don't die on me anyhow, anyhow again hor. I'm handicap without you.

All Things Living Have Souls?

According to Buddha - so said my Christian erm...friend, Mr Smurfie - all things living have souls. Thus the topic of the day in the midst of Yings and Yangs is, do sperms have souls? And if they do, it must be really hard - pun intended - on the men - not the general term but the male hormone sapiens - carrying such a huge burden with them. The next question, if all living things reincarnate, do sperms go through the same reincarnation circle as well? Now if they do, how merciful is that, if reincarnation actually meant becoming sperms again, going through the whole swimming process, in the meantime most likely getting rejected once a hundred more times? And the circle continues, you fail, you try again. Might as well, have them become real life, living, breathing professional swimmers. Oh, but then again, that would also mean sperms. In fact by means of reincarnation, does that simply mean that we're thrown back into becoming sperms, one out of billions and millions waiting for the command to go ahead? All these years of square box education where people gets reincarnated as pigs, dogs, insects and people seemed so out of logic now. I seriously do feel cheated. These movie makers really didn't know what they were doing when they were planning scripts. On the other hand, this might have given the new meaning to starting out from really small.

Franchises Still Available

Are you stuck in a rut? Do you dream of self employment? Look no further! You too can be an entrepreneur on a big scale with small investments. Entrepreneurship with small investments no longer means contending against slow moving, curse mouthing ah peks and old ah mas in their dustbin tin can collecting monopoly. Start the franchise today! Hear it from some of our clients who have taken the first step in achieving life long career satisfaction.

Ah Heng age 25 from Bedok North: Heng ah! I saw this advertisement if not hor, I still working for Lai Lai Handphone shop. The boss there really 1 kind one. He is only kind to me when he wants me to work OT. But now with this, I am my own boss and am going to buy a BMW very, very soon. Benjamin age 30 from Ang Mo Kio: I've wanted to be my own boss all my life. This is like a dream come true. The 90 minute training tape is extremely helpful and I recommend this to anyone who would like to take up the see their life change for the better.

Hear it also from an old ah ma who's tin can monopoly has been saved due to this new franchise.

Old Ah Ma age secret from Clementi Block 326: Young people, got arms, got legs, somemore so healthy don't find job, come and steal job from ah ma. Ah ma so lao liao how to compete with them? Heng heng got this new friend cais then all those young people go away. Ah ma is happy now. Sometimes they gio me out go drink Kopi Bean also. We friend friend now.

What are you waiting for? Try it out to believe it and witness your life change with just one phone call. Call now to also enjoy special discounts at selected Coffee Bean outlets. Please also note that Idot is not an Apple product - thus non white and sleek - the word "idot" is supposed to mean "idiot".

Nailing Gaiman Down

Finally got my butt moving to write this post and uploading the pictures taken yesterday and couple of mintues ago. As most of you know, I took leave yesterday for a reason, which some might think is totally ludicrous. I left home at 3.15pm when I should have at 2.30pm. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Wasted time trying to dress young to blend with what I anticipated would be a rather young crowd and end up running all the way from orchard MRT to Kino coz I was SO late! Waiting for bus at 3.15pm and furiously thinking "Where got people take leave to be late one, I ask you? Me lor!" There was a queue near the entrance at the linguistic section with a security guard next to it so I thought, ok...not too long afterall luckily I managed to make it. Yah, lucky indeed, I was REALLY lucky to have asked the guard if that was the Neil Gaiman queue.

Guard rather irritated: No no no!!! The queue is THERE!!! Chinese section. Me: WHAT?

For those unfamiliar with the map of Kinokuniya Orchard, I've provided a tiny and not so accurate map of it, from I started till where I ended. There's no mark on the spot as in where the queue started though coz I never got to even smelled it, it was THAT far. The black areas are shelves, I'm not really sure how many there were but I thought it was pretty much the same. By the way, "Me at 4.15" was the end of Chinese section and start of the Japanese so when Mr Smurfie told me to grab a book from the shelves and read, I almost flipped. Starusticity chatted with me on the phone as well from time to time to get my status update, telling me how she understood my frenzy and how she would support me - like a bra? - in this. This was the book that started it all - for me at least. Also he's happily married and not gay. There was Tashes who messaged me and offered to come with me for the autograph session though I'm sure she would have killed me if she came along. By the way, just to clear something, Tashes, I thought when you said you wanted to come with me, it was you, sans your boyfriend. Ok, doubt cleared and back to story. The middle were the Japanese comics and my final landing spot where I sat for about 1.5 hours with badly numbed right leg and read Lee's American Gods, was the English comics section. This is as badly taken as many of my pictures and I doubt anyone can see the long queue from here but this was the Japanese section, near the end of the queue where I was. The people you see here, they're not browsing for books, they're all queuing up. I think I forgot to mention her, Lee was the nice student from La Salle who was standing in front of me, who chatted with me while I was furiously mad and dripping in sweat - from running. In fact, stupid, stupid me did not even introduce myself or anything in the hours we were struggling to get by there, half with anxiety, half with fear. I believe we both had that "we most likely can't make it" thoughts in our heads but having a person to chat with saved both of us - me at least - from giving up prematurely. Thanks Lee, whoever and wherever you are now :) This stupid guy jumped queue in front of Lee and myself. I took out airen's camera and snap a picture of him. Wasn't so fedup with him anymore now, coz he and his friend left at about 6pm. Naynaynaybooboo I have what you don't! In fact, I'm glad for having wonderful friends around to edge me to go along when I was having doubts coz I'm behind time in my aspx - I still am! Of coz also Mr Smurfie and his friend Illicitus. Mr Smurfie was jesting while I was on the phone with him earlier on in the noon when it was still the 4 o'clock hour that he'll offer himself to come queue for me - I had to rush home to complete some work and the 2nd session starts from 8.30pm till 10.00pm - which was later changed to 9pm SHARP - if he had not needed to go for a hair cut. I pondered over it then called him for help. He so nicely said YES! I was in shock mode for a couple of seconds. WOW! That's really what friends are for. I've yet met a person so nice before - with such a stuck up look somemore :P Neil Gaiman signing my book while Illicitus snaps a shot of Mr Smurfie's back. A moment never to be duplicated again. So I waited and waited, queued and chatted with Lee - Mr Smurfie introduced himself to her later but didn't get her full name that is why I'm Leeing here and there - sometimes with Starustcity, Mr Smurfie and finally airen - don't know where he go to until about 6pm. While the whole lot of us Gaiman fans - as Kino announces - were sitting down in queue at 6.30pm coz Neil Gaiman has gone upstairs to the Library@Orchard for a talk and more autograph signning, 2 airhead malay gals walked passed.

Airhead Malay gal 1: What is this? Reading competition har?

Aiyoh! Think lor gal, if reading competition how come inside Kino itself? They wanna kill their own business is it? And just what the hell is a reading competition???? Mr Smurfie told me that Neil Gaiman said "Oh! I've got to draw a star for this" when he was signing my Stardust *floating in 7th heaven now* Anyway, back to the story in bits and pieces. Basically lots of people were there, lots of people at the back left. Some people were doing COSPlay for no good reason and parading around - didn't wanna take their photo coz I don't really like people who do that. And lots more people were determined to get their boobs books signed while I breathed in deeply to exhale the same air as Gaiman. Somebody told me to be contented just by being in the same building as he is. *pouts* But then yes, I am contented. This is the autograph on my Marvel 1602 comic. I think it's extremely nice of him to draw ribbons. Mr Smurfie helped his bro signed a Sandman comic but all he got was the signature alone. I guess he couldn't have drawn sand on it right? Mr Smurfie arrived at about 8pm. I was extremely delighted to see his face - for once. He was my saviour then coz he even so nicely bought me a cheese burger, a bottle of distilled water and told me it's on him - I have zero cents on me. We ate at the queue, bitched a while about Mr Pink then exchanged places. I wasn't so sure if he could make it either and was rather gulity at making him come do such a silly thing but then there's always hope and so he stayed. I heard Illicitus came later on, too bad I didn't get to meet you but you're a nice person too, afterall you read my blog :P This has no reason to be here I know but airen just bought it for me for no particular reason and so I thought to display it for all to see :D Anyway I got home at about 9.15pm, on the way chatting to airen on the phone about the day's events to the tiniest details - such as the first guy in the queue came in at 11am etc etc - and worrying about whether Mr Smurfie had managed to get them signed. In fact, I didn't dare to message nor called him for status. I'd rather not know. He did called me at about 9.50pm though. The words "I got it" didn't register till mintues later... Read Mr Smurfie's account here to get a better idea of the queue and Gaiman experience as he calls it from 8pm till 9.50pm.

Bouncing Back in Place

Nothing gets me down too long especially when I'm furiously mad I supposed. Some tiny hours after the earlier blog and anger when my sis hitted a nerve, I went jobsdb and started sending out a few resumes when before I had wanted to start only next week - coz I was still rather uncomfortable at sending things off when I'm not even half way through my aspx. Heck it now. I'll just do it as I always do, modify my resume, hype things up in a big way and just click on the send button. Anger is good. So is pressure. It drives me up the wall and when I have no more place to run, I usually break down hard and start hitting back - in a good way mostly. Though I had really wanted to stand up, walk over and slap Mr Pink hard on the cheek coz he is so damn stupid - raise your hands if you know why - getting so much more pay than me, doing so much lesser work and plain dumb. Ok now...I think I'm the stupid one instead for so obvious reasons...damn. Er...not the point now I supposed. Another good thing that came out of it was that in my anger and pseudo depression, tears started to form in my eyes for a while - only a while like 2 tiny drops. Good news if you asked me coz I haven't been having real tears for a long time due to this small eye problem I'm having. Dr Soh said my eye muscles were too tensed up and eyes don't produce tears anymore. Seems like I can now :D Whatever now, back to work and Neil Gaiman still has to wait for the next post.

The Shape of Concern

I supposed the post about Neil Gaiman can wait - till tonight at least. Was suffering from what I thought was an incurable depressed state of mind just now regarding my upcoming job search campaign - I'm 70% cured of it now thanks to some nice person who has low self esteem - only knew about an hour ago that it is scientifically proven that low self esteem people are nice, no wonder I'm not. I have an ego problem. I am worried about it no doubt with all the unbalanced problems in clear sight but I'm still rather confident of my chances. There really is no need for kind hearted souls (sis, I'm talking about you, yes you're appearing in my blog now in a bad time as a bad person) to lay things out so transparently and in a way so negative. Concerns come in all odd shapes and sizes and I supposed usually not all the types that we normally asked for. I mean thanks for the concern but I can handle things my own way thank you very much until I break down or ask for some, help should really stay a few steps away - which is not to say all helps are bad, I think I'm contradicting myself and confusing people, oh well. Offer me help though when I start doing this. Anyway...erm...I supposed there is no anyway here. All I wanna do now is to get my asp.net up and running and kick start my job search campaign next week. Speaking of which, I'm not too sure if I should be updating that in here coz for a person with some ego problem - ME - failures are neither meant to be READ aloud nor in PRINT. I'll update the success though. In the meantime, it'd be more ramblings, complaints and of coz Neil Gaiman - sorry man, you've got to be slightly delayed.

Quick Help Needed

I'm on leave tomorrow. Actually, I'm already serving my notice and oman (guess who) is not around and about town so it shouldn't be that big a deal except that I'm taking leave for a good - I hope - reason. Neil Gaiman's in town and I want him to sign my boobs books. I've been excited till death on his coming and having the chance to finally own something signed by someone really famous and not some TCS actor/actress - not someone barely famous either - till like just now coz I went shopping. Yes guilty me went shopping at Far East with Starusticity and Eternal Snow - seriously, I'm not sure what to call her now, her nick keeps ever changing and I'm having a tough time keeping up - to help shop for their friend's birthday present. Why I so kaypoh, you might ask, it's coz I've been credited as having good taste - don't believe? check out the last few birthday presents I gave out - and so I tagged along. The birthday presents I helped chose. Cool right? This is what you call taste, good taste :P It was a fantastic shopping spree, something I've not had in ages coz shopping with guys is so different from being out with gals. All 3 of us contributed our latest purchases to this picture. I think Tashes is the only person worthy of the guess like which belonged to who. It's also only after this picture then we realized that we're all so different from each other - if Tashes were here, I'm sure there'll be another completely different type of item. It's hard not to take a picture of this coz it's really so cute - applicable only to gals. Anyway, the thing about this whole shopping session is that the 4 hours it took, ate into my aspx time. I've loads of aspx to catch up on, documentation to prepare for handover etc etc all way behind time. And so here I am, in the midst of all these complaints and stuff, kneeling down in front of my pc typing this post and struggling with the to go or not to go question. I'm getting so indecisive. I need some help here. Quick help.

Kannotbe an Email Address

Mr Smurfie asked me - not very nicely - to be his referral for his job searching campaign. I agreed. He asked me to pick a nice designation, I did. Asked for my number - he already has it so he ended checking his own handphone - and asked if I had some other email addresses coz the one he sends stuff to is so unpro! *growls*

Mr Smurfie: kannotbe really cannot make it lah. got any others or not?

Out of my 3 email addresses, he picked the singnet one, not because it's professional enough for him but coz it's not so "stupid" sounding. OI! At least I'm not associating myself with coconuts like some people ok?! Idiotic boy, makes me itching to get myself a boring professional email account with my full name and NRIC inside.

Self Discipline I Must - Reposted

This insignificant post was posted a couple of hours ago and I supposed Blogger felt that it was really too insignificant to allow it to stay in this tiny blog space, it ate up my post and vomited none of anything out. I was replying to a recent comment then when I came back to the blog, it's just not there anymore, I logged in to check my drafts and it ain't there either. This isn't the first time. I'll give it 2 more chances before I decide if I should move my site. Here is the post, reposted as much as I can remember - damn. As a person who is running short in the financial arena, I’m pack full of guilt to present to all my latest purchases from yesterday – so called last purchases from yesterday onwards. Douglas Adams, Robert Jordan, who wouldn't go nuts over them? Ok, maybe not many people. A beady necklace to deck my too short neck, a ring – not shown here – and 2 books from 2 favorite authors of mine - thanks to Mr Smurfie for the borders voucher - to feed my hungry reading soul. There is also a pair of pseudo Birkenstock sandals which was beautiful to the eyes before I paid for it and boring as hell – if hell was ever boring – by the minutes I walked in it. The pamphlet at the back behind the books – in the picture - is from The Body Shop. It’s showing some facial products I’m considering getting, to gorge my botchy skin with. Somebody stop me please, cut my fingers off or something the next time I go "deng deng" wide eyed at some non-free stuff. A person like me should learn to keep remaining cash safely frozen till the next paying job comes along and learn to eat free on others whenever possible - tongue not hanging out from mouth equals I'm seriously considering this option. And airen get that Phantom of the Opera soundtrack ready to pass to me before I pass out from the urge to pay for one myself.

Day 7 - I Will Survive

If anyone has cared or wondered what I had been doing recently - thus the lack of posts - well, I'm out of job now or rather soon to be. I've handed in that letter in a white envelope on Tuesday and am serving my one month notice now. Had wanted to stay on till at least end of the year but then what the heck, if I'm already suffering some kind of minor brain injury due to the lack of substantial thinking work then why not? It's kind of a now or never thing. I've yet found a job or even started my search for the next cash generating rice bowl. Don't say I'm cool about it and not worried. The truth is, I really am shivering to my bare bones at the thought of having to start the whole job searching cycle all over again. Also, I do have the other common worry of not being able to find a job - I am human afterall, however much I'd love to act all cool and nonchalant about the whole event. There is the oh shit I'm in the IT line and am so backward in the current technologies and such. The oh no, how much will the next company pay me, can I find a better paying job or one that is even equivalent - though I'm not really paid that much now. The whole lorry load of thoughts has been shadowing me since Wednesday - the kick at saying "I Quit" lasted only a few hours. However, I supposed the consolation came from realizing that hey, my family aren't really that against my decisions anymore. I had flipped in bed like a prata in the stove for nights visualizing the things they'll say, the faces they'll make. Nothing. They were well, ok to it. No "how can you do this without first getting a job?!" blah blah which in turn made me kinda guilty. I really should have secured a rice bowl first. I am afterall a working, thinking woman of 26, no longer 16. BLEH! Enough negative scribbles now. The good news from all these is that I've finally moved my butt slightly to take that first step to upgrade myself. I'm now on day 7 of the 21 days to ASP.Net book which is about 800 pages thick - thanks to Mr Smurfie for lending it to me, it's really heavy. For the first time in my life, I'm actually adopting my friend, Eric's way of learning new things - something which I've scoffed at - reading and following the exercises in the book, cover to cover. No longer taking shortcuts, I'm actually working step by step now. I wonder how long this patience will last. In the meantime, just help me keep your fingers crossed ok? Back to the book and more aspx exercises now. Day 7 here I come and I'll hopefully survive.

Happiness Today...

...is formatting my PC and finally getting my aspx pages to run properly. It is also going jogging and finally making it home after puking 3 consecutive times on the road.