Cars are moving, people rushing past me at high speed. Traffic jams, cursing yells, all in a day's worth of work. Ahh....bliss.

The Answer is Not 42

Who would have thought that after exorcising the misery out of the downcast Starusticity, I would have caught the demon right in my arms? In fact, rather than dedicating this long belated post to her, who demanded claimed the seat to being my number one fan, here I am drowning in my very own wretchedness. I am as uninfluential as a role model could have been, praying for an accident or so every day except for Saturdays so I could avoid setting off for work. My eyes are still hurting from the lack of tears, I wonder if I can pay a visit to Dr Soh again. I have made up my mind or so it seems, yet I'm still pondering on the edges of common sense. Not because I've not the courage to attempt what must be done, rather I've yet rallied enough responses of the right kind for it. I'm lack of support from the people who mattered - perhaps not the most, but alot. In a way, yes, I am unconfident of the days ahead of me. Especially after seeing how my friends have fared. Logic speaks of having a new landing spot before embarking on a new journey, the sense says to to give a go at swimming the mammoth ocean first. My mind is no longer working its way correctly anymore. I refuse to think. My desires to leave are greater than ever before. I'm getting nausea at the thoughts of staying put another day. At times like this, I wished for a supreme being to believe in - please don't try anything religious here, PS2 or not, this is not a long term wish - one that I can pray to or hope for answers to fall down from the skies. Possibly, I have the answers in me all the time as I always do and it is not 42.

Moving On

Much as happened these past 2 weeks, or rather much hasn't I'm currently drowning in a sea of stillness Reaching for the other end of the stormy coast Tired of nothingness I'm plain wasting my time Desperately crying out for some trauma I'm throwing caution to the wind with all my might Believing in evil for the greater cause It is time to abandon bridge ship To reach for the skies above A whole new life Today, I start my lessons in Dot Net.

The Long and Short of it.

I sensed a conspiracy somewhere. First, I was under the Xiaxue category of Singapore Bloggers and now I'm Minishorts?? Hallo? Why do I always get the short of things huh? Don't undestand? Allow me to explain in brief. Xiaxue isn't really on the long end of measuring tapes and this Malaysian blogger, she's Minishorts!! Spare the congrats please.

Congratulations Witch, you are...

minishorts of minishorts.net

You are outgoing, direct, smart, pretty, and a definite go-getter. You are frank, a little too frank perhaps that sometimes you get on people's nerves and make them very upset. If people attack you, you hit back with triple the force without blinking because you are the kind of person who knows exactly what you are talking about or else you wouldn't talk about it. Your quick-thinking is what makes you special. You are an elitist.

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?

My eyes are not the only things hurting in me. I'm tired, not simply from staring at screens. I needa take flight before a multiple of stupidity consumes me.

Bubblefish Bob

The time is 11.50pm and my eyes are hurting. The good news is, I've completed Bubblefish Bob. Have been playing since 7.30pm this evening and it's finally game over. Towards the end of the game, Bob realizes that he is nothing but a tool, a computer game but in the end, he grateful to accompany us on this fish saving journey. Lame? Fun more like it. It's cuter than zuma anytime. Now, since I've completed this game within a matter of hours, can I not go to work tomorrow? I need to escape from that hell hole abit.

Food and What Not?

Was having lunch just now, munching my buns listening into Starusticity's conversation with the other 2 colleagues. Starusticity was talking about how and why she ate her 3 day old sandwich coz she was thinking about the African children hungry and dying. 1 of the colleagues was praising her on how she has grown up and matured in her thinking. I remained quiet and begged to differ. When I couldn't finish something, I just stopped eating it else I'll simply puke and still waste it. Ok, maybe that's just for me but I remembered seriously jokingly asking my secondary friend a decade ago so what if she thought about the hungry children, adults alike there, so what if she finished her food? Is that gonna help them in anyway? Your food's yours. But of coz that's again my own logical twisted way of thinking. Imagine this, Fat Person A dies stuffing himself silly with a 5 day old salad coz he was thinking about the African kids with no food whatsoever to eat. In his afterlife, Fat Person A met Skinny Person B, an African kid who died of hunger.

Fat Person A: How did you died? Skinny Person B: Of hunger. No food to eat. How about you? Fat Person A: I died stuffing myself with food. Skinny Person B: ... Skinny Person B walks away in contempt...

Then there was also this Chinese myth that I heard from Starusticity just now. It seems that if you're always wasting food - likely the person is me coz I always can't finish them - in your afterlife, you'll be sentenced to eating pails and pails of food as some kind of retribution. Now, imagine this scene where Normal Weight Person C is crying at the thought of having to finish pails and pails of food as punishment while Skinny Person B who dies of hunger looks on with jealousy. The irony of it all.

Something White This Way Comes

Have I ever mentioned that I dislike weddings? I'm not the type to plan for my own much less for others but for some strange reason, people always turn to me for help. The latest in the pack, is my cousin who is getting married in October. Frankly speaking, I hate the organized irony of it all. I mean most people - brides especially - spent entire months planning for the big day, for how the tables, chairs etc to look like only to have everything look completely other ways on the actual day. Whatever for, right? Things do happen. My cousin says she trusts my creative brain - I'm a programmer and I'm positive she doesn't want programs - on MSN and told me not to reply to her anymore - possibly the arrival of her boss? - when all I did replied to the entire conversation was "dunno. har? har?! wat?" I didn't believe that I agreed to any her requests - I don't remember any of what she said either - which somehow was taken at face value as a yes. If anything was a yes, it must be this, "Yes, I'm nonchalant to the entire affair".

Fated for Escape

Found a small leaf on the floor below my seat in the office last Friday. Is this fate? Especially now that I'm almost determined for escape?

Of Blogging and Flopping

The current blogging community kinda scares me. What with law suits, dating contests, naked pictures and a whole load of crap, it kinda makes me feel so out dated still floating in this tiny piece of cyberspace given to me. My readership has never been that wonderful. In fact the current status seems suspiciously like a + 2, - 1 readers kinda thing - not on a daily basis. It's all so sad. Perhaps, I should do something to attract some attention, any kind. So I too can achieve a vulgar statistics of visitors. Law suits are out of the question of coz for all the correct reasons. I'm attached so I guess a dating contest is out of the question as well. As for naked pictures...for those who knows me, it's enough to understand why I should always keep myself clothed, least I out did Kenny Sia in an unclassy way. Coincidentally, just when I was feeling all so down and out, I came across this blog post written by someone out there who I only kinda know through the slightly famous red nose guy. "Witch's Brew is another good read, she's otherwise known as the IT Chiobu according to Merv and another good source of funny observations." or so she says. I actually have a fan - not the paper or electrical one - who admits that she kinda likes my blog and actually advertises it out in a way. I seriously needa crawl into a corner and weep a little. Perhaps I really should show some bodily parts in appreciation. Witch's Brew's not such a flop afterall :,) No controversy to these I supposed, which probably means no news reports.

Beannie Gal When She's Not Growing Beans

I can't help but stop work to upload this picture of the beannie gal coz it so cracks me up - well, the other reason is coz my MSN is denying me access and my PC can't load up Bubblefish Bob! So here I present you, my 5 year old niece, contributor to a good many posts in my blog, caught in a rare moment of goofiness. I'm not one to go gaga over kids and babies - I'll write on that sometime later coz I'm getting disgusted by people around me - but this picture never fails to brighten me up somehow - unless I'm in a super dark place lor then I'll need a light bulb most likely. Oh yah, something not to be missed out, I found a tiny plastic tray of green beans on cotton wool the last time I visited her place - last weekend I think. Seems like my sis is trying to educate her the correct way of growing the plant.

Going to Hear Phua Chu Kang Sing Tomorrow

Due to a surplus of free tickets to PCK The Musical - I wonder if it's that lousy or my sister that fantastic to get so many of them free - tomorrow and a couple of friends being unable to make it, I had to ask 2 friends whom I used to be closed to but not anymore. Truth be told, I'm a little nervous about this meeting. I do have the tendency to go woody and expressionless at uncomfortable situations. Seriously I do kinda regret the choice of people attending tomorrow though I supposed some things are inevitable. One of them just switched jobs to working and sitting somewhere rather near to airen and the other going through a very, very bad patch in her relationship. For my part, I didn't attend to either's life changes. I simply kept myself away from it all. I don't know why. Perhaps it's the distance I feel now. I can no longer relate to them since a long, long time ago. I supposed it is time for us to kinda meet. In the least awkward way possible. On the other hand, it could still be clumsy, at least me. These friends of mine, they usually converse in Mandarin. They're really good at it. While my command of the language is slowly draining away due to the lack of usage. I was ridiculed at the last time we met - which was more than a year ago - for being slow to jokes. I can't imagine how it would be this time. Not forgetting the confirm will have "greetings" from them.

Friend 1: Aiyoh! You put on weight again liao leh. OR Your boyfriend put on weight again leh. Friend 2: Har? You wanna change your job again? Why you always wanna change job one la de la.

Did you just hear me sigh? I have a bad feeling, my palms are sweating furiously and I do hate being labeled stupid too. I just hope Phua Chu Kang sings well to this "multimillon dollar protect ah!" tomorrow.

I'm a Certified Mastermind, Though Slightly Deaf, Blind and Handicapped

Did this interesting personality test few days ago. The results are amazing. Amazing not because it's so like me, amazing coz it so sucks up on me. BBC says I'm a MASTERMIND. Not the game mind you. Apparently, "Mastermind is the least common personality type in the UK, according to a nationwide survey." so says BBC. Though of coz that probably only applies to the UK and in this small island of Singapore, I might hit a Mastermind type person with every 5 rocks I throw - anywhere. However, despite the high, the results gave me, there're always people and things to bring me down. Of all the fantastic attributes given, the one that everybody agrees to just has to be something like this.

"Masterminds often have an unusual sense of humor, which arises from their ability to spot surprising links between seemingly unconnected facts."

Which summaries to 1 small word, lame. Wait a minute, I just realized something. Being the least common personality type doesn't mean anything significant does it? Serial killer types aren't all that common either is it? Damn. Another slap in the face.

Toilet Etiquette

The server room in the office should never be anywhere next to the loo. Don't ask me why but the one in our office is like that. Heck! It's not even a room at that. It's more like a broom cupboard if you ask me. So when there's a problem with the server, the system administrator basically stands in front of the cupboard with the doors open, next to the female loo entrance. Sorry folks, no photo - don't wanna get sued - though, if you've not seen it LIVE before and don't understand, too bad. Ordinary times, it's ok to normal folks like us who sit behind our monitors and play games work really hard. BUT when the server starts falling asleep and denying itself real work for the day and your tummy starts a rumbling - and it's not due to hunger - things start getting embarrassing. Imagine this very real scene. The server starts acting up the whole day and Mr Pink - the system administrator - has to constantly go back and forth between the server "room" and his cubicle to check the status. Then on the other hand, the tummies of 2 other persons in the tiny office of less than 10 people starts acting up too. 1 person sitting opposite Mr Pink and the other outside the IT department. 2 of them tracing Mr Pink's movements back and forth. Trying to estimate a perfect timing for pooing without stinking the hell out of Mr Pink standing very near the female loo. This carries on for a couple of hours with the 2 persons constantly trying to update each other on the intensity of the rumbling in the tummy and whereabouts of Mr Pink - he has never been popular before. Below is an extract from MSN between the 2 persons. 1 did managed to do unload her dump properly as she calls it while the other is still waiting for a chance at this point in time. Gosh! This is all so embarrassing and bad for health. ronan says: ok i gotta go poop..i'll do it quietly n erm smell-lessly I'm a certified mastermind:he's there again! my tummy is flipping over ronan says: haha yaaaaaaa hmmm u use the gents lo hahhaha I'm a certified mastermind: NO! I still can tahan tiz not the muz come out type juz feel gassy ronan says: mine is eager to come out hahahahhahaha I'm a certified mastermind: then u better go NOW! since u won't b seeing much of Mr Pink anymore. I can't coz I sit opp him n I've not tendered yet. ronan says: hahahahahhahahahahahhhahaha ok. alrt. im gg now can u actually hear whats gg on inside huh? i wonder I'm a certified mastermind: I dunno but if ur in there 4 some time isn't it obvious dat tiz big n not small? somemore if afterdat got smell...wah...confirm *ronan dashes to the loo with a touch of coolness* ronan says: i did it! I'm a certified mastermind: great! without him there somemore!! congrats! I wonder if I'll ever hav the guts though .maybe not. ronan says: hahaha i was lucky he walked away

"Can Help Or NOT?"

Was at China Square Central last Sunday for the flea market with the intention of looking for some fun stuff to dress up our office desks and had this encounter with an auntie trying to sell some charity stuff.

The auntie: Sir, madam, can you please take a look at this.... *goes on to explain the I don't know what that is* The auntie continues: Please it only costs $10. Can help poor children... Airen: No, not interested. The auntie: IT'S ONLY $10!

No, we did not buy though sensing the emphasis in her voice. We stepped up the escalator to look at toys and saw her approaching another couple who simply ignored her and walked away. Fate has it that we'll have to see her again later when we went downstairs - I'm sure she remembered us but just to give her the benefit of the doubt at the moment coz she had to come approach us again.

The auntie: Sir, can you buy this? Save poor children. $10 only. Airen: No, not interested. *and quickly walked away*

Then suay suay, on our way out of the building, she'll just have to approach us again.

The auntie: $10. Can help or not?

From the way she speaks and the way her sentences gets shorter with each approach, I'm sure she remembered us. This time, forget it lah. We simply walked away. What is it about charities these days anyway? We have flag days every Saturday when we used to have them once in a while. Then there are those charity events on TV where the celebrities walk on knives, jump though fire, get stung by bees. Eh? Give me back those days when things used to be so much simpler. Makes me feel like a lousy person each time I ignored a tin carrying student, an auntie selling pencils and celebrities asking me to be kind enough to dial just that 1 more call - only to be persuaded for another 1 more call, about another 100 more times throughout the night. But, do I really have to? Charities and causes, eveybody has their own beliefs. Some feels more toward the old, some the sick and some animals. It's kinda like religion, whatever you choose, whether you have it or not, it's not up to others to judge on. Simply a personal choice. Which reminds me of a question I asked airen last Sunday. If you had only money enough to donate to 1 charity organization, what would you choose? 1. SPCA (Pitiful Animals in Singapore) 2. Some Old Folk's Association (Pitiful/Sick Old People in Singapore) 3. Some Kids' Association (Pitiful/Sick Young People in Singapore) 4. NKF or the like (Pitiful/Sick People in Singapore) 5. Tsunami or the like (Pitiful People outside Singapore) 6. World Wild Life (Pitiful Animals outside Singapore) Airen chose number 6 because he says animals get extinct but not humans - yah at least not at the moment, would be funny when the day comes that animals get to donate to keep humans alive though. Me? I'll prefer not to help any. Not that I'm mean or something but I simply couldn't associate myself with any of them out there. Not yet. Therefore instead of forcing beliefs on myself, I'd rather spend it on a meal at Mac. At least I know I'm spending it on a worthly cause.

Time for Some Spring Clean

I supposed I've yet mentioned this damn suay super good news. Mr Smurfie's blog post on winning a date with him, though has not generated much response, managed to get into the ears of some SPH people and they're just dead bored but bobian must publish coz due to lack of response dying to publish him. So this guy, who has appeared slightly on tomorrow.sg, might now be appearing on Tuesday's Digital Life too - don't ask me which week - all coz of Sandra Powerpuff - her winner is out by the way - and a small wager on nothing, with me. Ok, so what has this all gotta do with me except for holding up a sign outside perhaps SPH or even Mediacorp with the words in CAPS and BOLD, "I KNOW SOMEBODY FAMOUS WHO KNOWS ME TOO AND HE'S SHATTERED!" to maybe try get on news, papers and websites? All because he has too many links to my site. As well as the jarring name there on the side that is so obvious to point out if you know what you're looking for. Time is running out for me. Either he removes me or I better start clearing. Clearing offensive stuff that might get me into trouble or certain embarassment seems to be the better option at the moment though that'll take loads of hard work and editing. And Just in case, it appears on this week's Tuesday edition, I only have less than 24 hours - subtract sleeping, day dreaming, eating, chatting, zuma time and possibly blog hopping, oh yah working too - to get it all cleared out and the blog sparkling clean. Which by the way makes me wanna smack myself hard in the face for recommending his post onto tomorrow.sg. One last thing before i publish this, maybe that young man oughta change his blog name. Since calling him Shattered doesn't really sound that nice, I Love Freecell is so much better any time.

Bow to the Master

Yesterday was a day well spent, draining my pathetic life away, trying to break free from level 8-6 of Zuma. However, behold now the guru who mastered the mind bogging, stress generating, precession and strategy needing game of Zuma within a short of 100 hours. To those who have laughed at me previous, shall no longer be able to do so now because you shall now fear me, the guru of the frog splitting ball game who will trash you to little pieces. What can I say? The gamester is back.

This Singaporean Blogger I Am

This seems kinda weird since I'm not exactly a pink person but I thought since I've already done this quiz, I shall just load it up. Apparently in the Singaporean blogging world according to Kenny Sia, I belong to the category below. Since Xiaxue is a self proclaim bitch and bimbo, I can't say exactly admit to be similar - I'm still arms and legs off from the minimum target, the objective is to be xiaxue, not xia suey. Ei? Apparently, mr brown is also a xia suay xiaxue blogger.

Congratulations bimbotic witch, you are...

'Xia Xue' Wendy Cheng of xiaxue.blogspot.com

You are a goddess/god. You've got the looks, the brains and the body. You have such an irreverent sense of humour, people listen to you religiously and worship the ground you walk on. On the other hand you can also be straightforward, blunt and very very controversial. That has the potential to offend many people, but of course you don't care, you just shoot. In the end, people either love you or hate you. Nothing in between.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

Miserable Entrapment

My muse fled not from me. It just kinda diffused into the thin air. I had things to write. So many of them. The massacre of the roaches. The road less traveled. Frustration. Stars and Endorsements. Or even, my haircut. I have so many things to say, none posted or even started. Irritation. Anger. Dejection. Rejection. Emptiness. Stagnant. Control and what not by idiots who always thought they knew. Then the frustration at not being able to express myself fully. The frustration at being held back by the collar when I knew I can reach out further. The powerlessness to recover my pride after such a petty fall. I've fallen, bruised myself, my ego most of all. I've lost that all important self-importance, which is my confidence. Losing it all, making living the day like a crushed up paper in a bin, waiting to be dumped. What else is there but an empty soul. Unmoving. Still. Unmoving still. I am deep into despair, in dire need of a change, a shake up. All these time I thought, what I needed was ease and stability. All the times, I'll feel the dreadful word creeping up upon me when familiarity settles in. Perhaps, that was never my desire. I wanted more than what I might ever envision - at least at this point in time. I know now, I fear consistency. Change, is inevitable. What matters is, when?

"I wanna be alone, go away"

Besides asking the obvious, very often people around us are simply not doing the obvious. On MSN - the Microsoft one- today, I saw this very jarring nick in my list - it's my cousin, I later found out. "Pardon me, I wana be alone today to relax, Sms me I will reply over the weekend...blah blah blah..." I mean, if you wanna be alone today, what's the point of logging onto MSN because you know there's bound to be people seeing it and making their annoying presence felt. Such as... "Are you alright? What happened to you?" "Ok lor, I'll not disturb you then...take care...let me know if you need me." "Ok, you're pardoned" -> followed by a winking emoticon. etc etc Or even worse, sms you immediately, bombarding you with questions, which you would reply to over the weekend. You know the above happens, you might even be guilty. Maybe the ones at fault in this case are not the ones annoying people but the ones not doing the obvious.

Who's Inside Doing the BIG?

I have nothing against inquisitive people. I just take it that their curiosity level's on the high but they're generally nice. Answer their questions and they'll leave you alone - for a while - but sometimes... My tummy wasn't feeling all that well after having a pasta dinner at Pizza Place, Jurong Point so the first thing I did when I got home was to head straight to the loo. Lucky thing our common loo was near the main door - faces the main door actually and rather unsightly if you ask me but useful for times like this. Anyway, there I was sweating to get it all out when someone tried to push the loo door open. Damn! I felt the Force slipped away for a second, while I lose all concentration. Then I heard...

"Who's that inside the toilet har?"

That's my cousin, asking my 12 year old niece - not the smart mouth one. If the loo door is locked, someone must be inside. There's another loo in the master bedroom if you must know and all it takes is a couple dozen of steps to reach. In any case, does it matter if you know who the person was? So what if it were your mum, your dad, your ah ma? If someone is inside, someone is inside!!! Do you really have to know? Do you really want to know what I was doing? Everybody asks this question, I realized - though I hope I never did. We seemed to have a habit of asking the obvious... "What did you do in the toilet just now? So smelly." I was really trying to remove the flushing system from the bowl and replace it with one that'll recycle the water internally from within our home so that we'll drink only our own wastes instead of others' and I'll call it the nude water! and the no-needs... "What you doing in the toilet for so long har?" I was installing this new AI program I wrote to rearrange the bathroom tiles so that you'll get a different experience each time you get in. It will also listen to your saddest tales and give you aunty agony advises upon each sitting on the bowl...blah blah blah Really, I wonder why. Normally, I wouldn't have cared but somehow, I seemed to have become more sensitive to words of late. Inquisitive people, inquire the useful, inquire the non-personals and stop hanging on to what people do in the loo. Just be grateful that I don't measure the angle you sit when you're doing the BIG on the bowl. On a last note and totally out of point, do visit Many-Sticky-Notes regularly and keep the contributions coming. We're only 2 persons. We can't do it alone.