Miserable Entrapment

My muse fled not from me. It just kinda diffused into the thin air. I had things to write. So many of them. The massacre of the roaches. The road less traveled. Frustration. Stars and Endorsements. Or even, my haircut. I have so many things to say, none posted or even started. Irritation. Anger. Dejection. Rejection. Emptiness. Stagnant. Control and what not by idiots who always thought they knew. Then the frustration at not being able to express myself fully. The frustration at being held back by the collar when I knew I can reach out further. The powerlessness to recover my pride after such a petty fall. I've fallen, bruised myself, my ego most of all. I've lost that all important self-importance, which is my confidence. Losing it all, making living the day like a crushed up paper in a bin, waiting to be dumped. What else is there but an empty soul. Unmoving. Still. Unmoving still. I am deep into despair, in dire need of a change, a shake up. All these time I thought, what I needed was ease and stability. All the times, I'll feel the dreadful word creeping up upon me when familiarity settles in. Perhaps, that was never my desire. I wanted more than what I might ever envision - at least at this point in time. I know now, I fear consistency. Change, is inevitable. What matters is, when?