The Answer is Not 42

Who would have thought that after exorcising the misery out of the downcast Starusticity, I would have caught the demon right in my arms? In fact, rather than dedicating this long belated post to her, who demanded claimed the seat to being my number one fan, here I am drowning in my very own wretchedness. I am as uninfluential as a role model could have been, praying for an accident or so every day except for Saturdays so I could avoid setting off for work. My eyes are still hurting from the lack of tears, I wonder if I can pay a visit to Dr Soh again. I have made up my mind or so it seems, yet I'm still pondering on the edges of common sense. Not because I've not the courage to attempt what must be done, rather I've yet rallied enough responses of the right kind for it. I'm lack of support from the people who mattered - perhaps not the most, but alot. In a way, yes, I am unconfident of the days ahead of me. Especially after seeing how my friends have fared. Logic speaks of having a new landing spot before embarking on a new journey, the sense says to to give a go at swimming the mammoth ocean first. My mind is no longer working its way correctly anymore. I refuse to think. My desires to leave are greater than ever before. I'm getting nausea at the thoughts of staying put another day. At times like this, I wished for a supreme being to believe in - please don't try anything religious here, PS2 or not, this is not a long term wish - one that I can pray to or hope for answers to fall down from the skies. Possibly, I have the answers in me all the time as I always do and it is not 42.