Miss Fitting Big Fish

There was this line in the movie Big Fish that just hit me in the head this morning.

The ring master: You were a big fish in a small pond but this is the ocean and you find yourself drowning in it.

To which Edward Bloom replies something in the line of he'll still swim well in it, with a smile. The world outside the bridge scares me a little. No, make that pretty much alot. I'm lonely. A little scared. A bit worried. A mixture of everything. The only good thing is that I'm still trying - short of going back to beg for a job. And then it also occurred to me that I'm feeling kinda like Richard Mayhew in Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere. I seemed to have fallen between the cracks. The cracks where the misfits fit. I don't seemed to be able to function well in an normal environment because I not only do not have the normal skills for survival, I do not like them as well. At this point in time, I start to wonder. I wonder if I should do an Edward Bloom and look at trouble in the eye, laugh out loud and get my way or should I do a Richard Mayhew. Richard fell between by accident, tries hard to work his way in a strange new world, which turns to welcome him more than his own and which he in turn chose over his big new office and penthouse. In summary, Edward Bloom changed the environment to fit him in, while Richard Mayhew changed his location to find that right environment. Food for thought really. And before I figure out which I should be, I'll just stay on and keep trying.