Contradiction of Sorts

It's been a particularly tough time for me. I'm putting on weight and putting my books -unread- into my cabinets, making my cabinet overweight. If there's something particularly bimbotic about me, it must be my tendency for clothes, shoes and all that stuff lately which probably comes hand in hand with the fact that I had just cleared off some serious study loan. Retail therapy has been my excuse for heavy spending for about 2 months now, how long more can such a lame excuse last? I supposed my sub conscious mind has probably prevented my weight loss by urging my usually semi conscious mind to constantly eat junk and sleep long, all for a grander purpose. To help curb my expenditures. Putting on weight means I'll stop shopping for nice stuff to put on myself coz NOTHING is ever gonna look nice on a 1.5m tall plump gal of 25 soon turning 26 now!!! Erm...maybe I should thank it. However, there is also the question of a change of wardrobe now that everything around me -be it nice or yucky- is getting tighter, which equals to money spent again on things that are not gonna look so nice anymore. GOSH! The whole world feels cramp now. I'm even starting to think that pavements, pathways are getting narrower but that is another matter, or is it? The other side of me, the perhaps not so bimbotic part is also getting its therapy. I'm back to reading my books again. On last count, I've about 20 books left untouched or half read -or well, a quarter read- and I'm still itching to buy more. In fact I've just bought 1 more last Friday, Marie Antoinette - I'm Fantasy, Sci-Fi, History, Mythology kinda gal and am into royal histories now. Armed with thoughts of feeding my emotional and erm...intellectual soul, I now put away 1 hour a day at least for reading -something I learnt from the royal princesses in books. I'm not sure if it's helping though but my dark rings do seemed to be getting darker. Since last night, I've learnt the sadness of royal princesses shipped to be married to another royalty like goods and abit more of the Marie Antoinette's childhood, perhaps my dark rings are worthwhile. Hopefully, in time, I'll learn to be strong, to be a woman independent, from my books and of coz the ultimate reason, to clear my uncompleted reading list so as to shut my boyfriend up. Finally of coz, to be able to spurge on them again without guilt. The bimbotic side fears weighty issues and attempts to minimize pores, clear pimples and dreadful dark rings while the bookwormy side carries on to create more pimples, darker rings and bigger pores by reading till wee hours with satisfaction. Such contradiction.