Escape

Yesterday was a terrible day. I felt myself sinking deep into depression once again. Reading my past posts in the blog, I can almost track my depression meter. I couldn't work. Not at all. I have intentions to call in for an urgent leave. To at least get away from it all, to curl up in a corner, to sleep and cry it off. I had to receive an sms from the guy at 8 in the morning telling him he was on mc and there was something wrong with the program since 4.40pm the day before. I woke up, scream and cried out - loud. What is wrong with everything else around me? Why can't I get away for 1 day? Why didn't he check before he left the office? How can he only inform me at that time? I can't go to work. My mum scolded me for wanting to take the day off for no reason. I really can't. I had to be dragged to the bathroom and drag to the door later on. My brother had to drive me to work. I reached the office at 8.40am. Turned on his pc and mine. Resolved the stupid problem which had to do with file size of a certain log file being too large with tears flowing from my eyes. Deleted off the log then sat in front of my pc. My hair stood on their ends. I can't face it. Not this place. Not these things. Not the air. I stared at the empty room and felt its emptiness screaming right at me. Not here. I shouldn't be here. Not now. Not this time. I logged onto MSN looking for my love one. Looking for some comfort. I didn't get it. He didn't understand. I stared at the MSN window, more tears. I had to get out. Got my colleague's help to take urgent leave from the man that I couldn't talk to anymore, at least not now. Packed my bag and I left the place. I walked and walked and walked. The wind blowing at my body, tearing my bones apart. The tears that wouldn't stop. I didn't know how I managed to get home but I did. Rest. I needed that, at least. I slept and dreamt. Dreamt of messages in my mobile, miss calls from them. I cannot escape. Not even in my dreams.